My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
