i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
