i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize