Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
