I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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