I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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