Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
