this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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