It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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