She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize