If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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