the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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