You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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