There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize