# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This is the high leading the old right now
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
