I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
