you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
