Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
