So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Randomize
