then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
