Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
