As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
