I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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