we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
