dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
