the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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