You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
