I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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