shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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