I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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