after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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