Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
