Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
