dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
