Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
