good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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