my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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