her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
babies were throwing up all over the place
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
