And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
