I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
