is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
