my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
