haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
