alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
