I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
