Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my sisters under your porch take her home
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
