She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
