whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
