wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
