its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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