Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
