I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
