you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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