He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
