Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
