I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
