I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
