Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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