come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
