Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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