I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize