I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
