There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
