is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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