i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize