I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
