just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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