he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
