you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I want a musical about memes.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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