White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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