she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
