I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
