I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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