i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I love having hate sex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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