found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
