Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
