Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize