Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
