I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
