Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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