Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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