The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
