I think my vagina is haunted
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
