i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't deserve a penis
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
