When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
