he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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