When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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