Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
