Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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