i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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