Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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