What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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