I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
