too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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