Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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