i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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