You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
