Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
