take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
accomplished twins. life is a go
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
