It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
