you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
