Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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