My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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