I hate your face
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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