My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
