Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
