I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
